I once had a friend tell me:
“I like getting dumped. At least it means I tried.”
I met a guy, I tried, and I got dumped.
I really liked this guy. I never once thought he wouldn’t want to make things work with me. I was crying. I had to get on a flight home. I sat there in the airport terminal dreading the emotions I was going to have to suffer through until I got over him. Disappointment. Loneliness. Confusion. Sadness. More crying.
Then I thought “STOP”. I don’t want to suffer through that. I want my life to be happy. And I created a plan.
I called it “How I’m Going To Get Over Heartbreak In 1 Day”.
I chose “1 Day” because I didn’t think he deserved to take any more than 1 day of happiness out of my life. Life is short. I don’t want to waste it being unhappy. I have to protect my happiness. If I lose it, I have to get it back as quickly as possible.
So these are the 10 things I did to “Get Over Heartbreak in 1 Day”:
- Find Abundance
On the plane, I made a list of 10 ways I could find abundance in the situation. “Now I have an abundance of learning that I never would’ve had without this experience!” “An abundance of time not wasted!” “An abundance of other men in the world!” “An abundance of love I have that I can give to someone else!” I like thinking in terms of abundance. I think it’s more tangible than just trying to turn negative thinking into positive thinking.
- Talk to People Who Love You
After I wrote the “abundance list”, I called my Dad and my sister. They said exactly what they were supposed to say: “I love you and that guy is stupid”. It made me feel better.
- Make A Hate List
While it was fresh in my mind, I wrote down everything I hated about the guy who broke up with me. I don’t really hate that guy, but I pretended for awhile. I came up with 17 things. Great!
- Turn Off Your Playlist
I decided not to listen to any music. Most music either is about how much you love someone or how much they hurt you. I knew either subject would remind me of him, and I was trying to forget him. I replaced music with podcasts and audiobooks – where I could maybe learn something new.
- Get Out There!
I joined Match.com immediately. I didn’t feel like dating anyone, but I did feel better when I came home to an inbox of 16 emails from new guys the next day.
- Go To Bed
I knew that peak sadness hours would happen later at night – alone in my apartment. So as soon as I got home, I forced myself to go to bed as quickly as possible. When you’re sleeping, you can’t be sad.
That week I made sure that I worked out. This is important for 3 reasons: a) It release endorphins b) There are lots of guys at the gym and c) You get a nicer body.
- Set goals
I made a list of very difficult goals to achieve in a month. I made the list really long, hard, and fun. Every goal I was excited about. I started thinking more about the goal list than him.
I volunteered. I volunteered at hospice, with a family who had just lost their brother. It’s very hard to feel sorry for yourself when you’re working with people in a lot more pain than you.
10. Talk to Him Again (NOT)
I still really missed talking to him. So I kept writing him letters and told myself I would send one of them in 2 days. 2 days later I’d reread it and realize it no longer sounded like a good idea.
Of course I knew from the beginning that I wasn’t going to be over him one day. It actually took about a week. But the pursuit of trying to get over him quickly certainly helped me get over him faster. A lot of good things happened that week. A lot of better things have happened since.
I agree with my friend – I don’t believe there’s any shame in getting dumped. At least it meant that you tried. And I think for love…that’s always a risk worth taking.
By Monique Bernstein
Bio: Monique is an aspiring crazy cat lady living in Cincinnati, Ohio. She is currently writing a book focused on how to be 100% effective and fail-proof at dating. The book is scheduled for released in Fall 2014.