Nothing Good Comes from Tinder…
Sure, there are exceptions. Sure, it’s addicting and it’s mindless and it’s fun. Sure, you’re on fire getting back-to-back matches as you swipe right.
But, from there, it goes downhill. And it does a number on your self-image.
Who Initiates the Conversation?
Is it the last person to swipe? Or the guy? The girl? In most cases, I wait it out. I’m usually more proactive in real life, but since there’s a strong chance I could be Catfished here…I’ll be a little bit more timid in my approach.
There are three things that happen at this point:
1) He sends you a message. Of what kind…the jury is still out on that one. We all know I’ve been wooed before, so I’m not counting anything out. Hopefully it’s a really nice, get-to-know-you kind of message with all good intentions though.
2) You send him a message. Of course it’s the sweetest thing ever, and references something in his bio and/or pictures to show that you have some level of interest in getting to know him. Does he answer? From my personal experience, no. And, what is that anyway? Swipe left next time, bro.
3) Radio silence from both parties. Your new match just sits there in the black hole of Tinder messages, never to see the daylight again – just keep swiping, just keep swiping.
I don’t know about you, but all three of these outcomes above don’t necessarily give me the confidence boost that you’d expect from a dating app that solely based on physical appearances. Isn’t that technically the point, to get instant gratification that you both find each other equally attractive? While that’s nice to know, it’s an extremely empty experience.
A Disconnect in Expectations
After the exchange of a few friendly messages and colorful conversation, you get a better understanding of who this person is, and why they’re on Tinder in the first place. Depending on the city, I think this app is used for different reasons, but the primary reason is pretty clear: the end game, and as quickly as possible.
I’ve had a few potential suitors chat with me throughout the week pretty frequently, and then drop off the map on the weekends…only to then send me a brief, ‘what are you up to?’ Tinder message at 1am on Saturday. I know, I know – I’m asking for it by using this app in the first place. But at least their game is obvious.
I’ve also been in the situation where we actually have great conversation and plan to meet in person. We exchange REAL numbers and communication outside of Tinder. However, there are two outcomes here as well:
1) After a few days of back-and-forth texting, there are no plans to meet up, and things fizzle out. Or, worse – he just stops texting altogether. As in, you never hear from him again, without any indication of what happened in the first place.
2) Pretending this is a normal dating situation, you wait a few dates before moving things forward. You think this may actually be the real deal, and how you’d ever admit that you guys actually met on Tinder, and consider the fact that he could be the exception. And then, as if all those dates and conversations only ever existed in your mind, he’s MIA and gone forever.
Each above outcome never leaves you with a good feeling in your heart, am I right? In fact, I’ve felt lower than low, and worse off than ever because I suddenly feel inadequate and not good enough…for whatever reason, and for someone who clearly isn’t worth my time.
The App Doesn’t Lie
When it comes to online dating, I try not to overthink things. It’s the internet, and it makes things way too easy for this to happen. There are endless stalking techniques and way too much information to make your head spin all the way back to last weekend. So, I avoid it…for the most part.
Regardless of what Tinder dating stage you’re at, there’s no need to view your conversation history or their profile. But it doesn’t mean that no longer exists and won’t haunt you.
Here’s where this takes you:
1) After you have had a few great dates with your match, you think things are going really well. And you consider the fact that this could break your dating streak of two weeks. Then, you go on Tinder to see his pics (to show your friends, since you’re not yet connected on Facebook) and realize he’s been on Tinder since the last time you saw him. What’s he doing? I’ll tell you: matching with other girls, and conversing with a few of them, too.
2) You haven’t heard from him in a few days, (which is totally fine because you don’t need to talk every day) and you happen to go on Tinder to remind yourself of how cute he is. But then, you see that he’s been online today, as recently as within the hour.
3) He must have lost his phone because he stopped answering your texts and fell off the face of the earth. So you want to make sure he still has your number and you go to view his profile, only to realize that he’s added new photos and updated his bio.
If there is anything that makes things more clear that I am of no interest to him, it’s that he chooses to go back on this app over talking to me. And that, my friends, hurts my heart just a little. It also does no good for making me feel all right about myself, or feeling like I’m worthy of his attention.
I may have an above-average confidence level, and maybe I’m completely out of touch with reality, but I’m a catch. And I’m good enough. And these Tinder matches are lucky to match/chat/date me. So I have decided to delete this app once and for all – because we could all use a confidence boost, and it’s not happening by trolling Tinder.
…and it kills your stupid iPhone battery in a hot minute. So, nothing good ever comes from Tinder.
By Jessica Coleman