This past week, over dinner, my friend and I got into a rather uncomfortable conversation with an older man about dating. He argued that, with dating, we should settle. Because, by maintaining our “high expectations”, we’re setting ourselves up for failure, heartbreak, and disappointment. I’m sorry…what?
Also in the past week, I encountered a less-than-ideal dating situation with someone whom I considered a completely genuine person. And, while I may have fostered some interest prior to this date, I was left completely disappointed and deflated after realizing that said person was no different than the rest. Chivalry can’t be dead, can it?
- High expectations and being picky is a really good thing. It means you know what you want, and exactly what you don’t. It takes time to figure these things out, but once you do, it makes dating a lot more productive. Why waste anyone’s time if you already know he’s not what you want?
- Being single is hardly a bad thing. Many times, people will get involved with someone that they aren’t totally into just to avoid being single. This, I think, can be worse than turning every suitor away for the smallest imperfection. You actually end up sacrificing the best thing you can one day have, for the convenient thing available to you right now.
- There’s nothing worse than forcing yourself to feel something. For either party involved. You may find someone who seems really nice, has a great job, and offers you the world – but it just doesn’t click. As hard as it may be to admit this, it is totally fine to feel this way. What’s not okay, is dragging it out and accepting this as your new standard. Trying to talk yourself into feeling a certain way about someone is the quickest way to resent them, and in turn, exclude yourself from what you truly want and deserve.
- The first few dates should be ones you’re excited to tell everyone about. There are a million date ideas, and they should be explored. Grabbing dinner and drinks is just fine, too, especially if the conversation is good (and at a place where you can actually HAVE a conversation). But whatever it is, both people should be equally interested in the evening’s plans, and it should benefit both people. Taking the easy way out is the fast track to the end of the night. Oh, and taking the physical approach (see #3 below) is an even faster track.
- Phone calls > text messages. It’s actually this simple. During the workday is one thing, if you just want to let someone know you were thinking of them. But, maybe pick up the phone and call to ask about a second date? Just a thought. At least I know you’re not doing a c&p job on that one.
- Sex shouldn’t be assumed immediately. Let’s get one thing straight: girls generally don’t sleep with guys in the very beginning if they’re expecting it to last. There are exceptions, but typically it’s a known fact that it doesn’t work that way. Also, if a girl is clearly not into it (yes, you will know), don’t force the issue. You’ll look like a total idiot and lose her in the process.
So while I sit here, in my single-girl life, I stand by each and every one of these points that I truly believe in. Because I know that I’m at least worth the basics, and I won’t deny myself the chance that I can have the happily ever after. And, until I find exactly what I’m looking for, the search (and crazy dating situations) will continue.
By Jessica Coleman