In high school one of my favorite terms was BFF. If you haven’t heard of the term it basically means that someone has to be my BEST FRIEND FOREVER. Having a BFF seemed like the ideal situation when I was 18. Someone to tell everything to, to party with, to get in trouble with, and to ultimately have fun with. The idea of a BFF however, is very unrealistic.
I would love to think that all of my closest friends will be in my life forever. Some of them have been in my life since I was 5 but who is to say that well into my thirties I will have anything in common with them? Life changes, friends change, and you change. The idea of anything having the ability to last forever seems to be a bit far fetched. Everything in life takes work and will inevitably have ups and downs. But who is to say that well into my thirties I will have anything in common with them? Life changes, friends change, and you change. The idea of anything having the ability to last forever seems to be a bit far fetched. Everything in life takes work and will inevitably have ups and downs.
As we grow older it become very clear who will be a fixture in your life and who will not. The requirements of a BFF changes as you get older. I no longer need someone to chug vodka with I now need someone to help me plan a wedding and make career choices. Life gets real after college for most and when life gets real it becomes very apparent who you want in your life and who you do not.
That one friend who is the life of the party may no longer make sense in your life. The friend who starts fights with everyone probably isn’t the best choice for a BFF. There are only a few requirements that I have when it comes to best friend these days and I can tell you they are not drinking and dancing.
- Someone to talk to: A friend should be someone you can share things with, the funny stories and the ugly truths about life. If you can’t trust this person and feel like you can’t talk to them about anything then I am pretty sure they are no longer BFF material.
- Someone you have fun with: While you may not be the party animal that you used to be that does not mean you can’t enjoy a night out. When you need sometime to let off steam they are there by your side ready for a margarita and a mani/pedi.
- Someone who will listen: Having a friend you can talk to is amazing but having a friend who listens is key. When you have a problem it is so important to have people in your life who are willing to sit down listen and help you figure it out, or not figure it out, whatever you need at that time.
- Someone who you can trust: This should be number one in all relationships.
- Someone who will help you grow: I hear so often how your BF or GF should make you the best version of yourself and I believe this is true of a BFF as well. Limit the time you spend with the people who bring you down and spend time with those who lift you up and make you want to be a better person.
Finding a BFF is hard, keeping them is harder, and no knowing to let them go is close to unbearable, but as you slowly learn who you want to be making the decisions about who you need in your life will get easier.
By Paige Sullivan