Each New Year

My birthday is this month and while it isn’t necessarily a monumental one I am terrified of it. After I turned 21 it seemed like each and every year that passes is another year where I don’t know what I am doing or where I am going. 23, 24, 25, 26 when will it end? Is there every going to be a year where I say, “Yes, I am finally where I am supposed to be!” or will it be one big ball of uncertainty for the rest of my life?

I know that my twenties are supposed to be a time for exploration and adventure but instead they seem to be filled with anxiety and stress. I have student loans coming out my ears, I am no where near where I was hoping to be in my career, and the only thing I know for certain is that my dogs will 100% always want their food the second I get home from work.

As this next birthday fast approaches I have been trying to ease myself into the idea that once again a year has passed and I don’t know if I have moved forward, sideways, or backwards. It could very well have been all three. This has been a whirlwind year for me. I still don’t know what I want to do with my life but I can confidently tell you all of the things I do not want to do.

Each year I become more and more confused about certain aspects of my life as other aspects become clear to me. I still have no idea what I want to do for my job but I know what I don’t want to do for a job. I know what I want in a relationship where as before I was unsure (this will probably change though as I have found relationships are constantly evolving).  This fact has helped me come to terms with this next year of my life. I have decided (I try not to make resolutions but instead make decisions) to let things happen. I will not stress about the future of my career as I know that everyday will lead me one step closer to knowing where I want to be and how to get there. I will no longer stress over money because I have come to learn that money can truly make or break your happiness. I will dedicate more time to learning and discovering who it is I want to be but I will not freak out when I change my mind 7 times a month.

This decision to look at this year in terms of accepting and learning from my life will hopefully help me get to where I want to be. Becoming an adult is a scary thing and to be honest I don’t think it every really happens (have you ever watched the Real Housewives?) but making the decision to go along for the ride and not stress will definitely change a few of the turns you take on the road to being a semi- adult.

We will see how well I take my own advice come next January but in the meantime I urge you to try and go with the flow and learn from your year ahead.

By Paige Sullivan

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