Sex & Relationships

“Why Am I Single?”

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I was asked three separate times this week if I was seeing anyone. When I answered no, they all had the quick, same reply. “Why?”

Does there need to be a reason why I’m single? I didn’t think so, but recently I’ve been feeling like I need to explain to people why I’m single. Like it’s a big choice I made not to date. Well my friends, that’s not the case.

A lot of people I know are getting married now. I can’t log onto Facebook without seeing a picture of a girl from high school or college walking down the aisle or having a baby. I am not knocking those people. I think that’s amazing that they have found the person that they want to spend their lives with and have babies with. I envy some of those people.

But even with all of that, I never felt pressure to be in the same place as they are. I can’t really imagine my life at this point married. And I’m sure that some of those girls with their babies and their husbands have days where they wished they were single, living in the city, working crazy hours, with no time to find Mr. Right. The grass is always greener somewhere!

But now that people are actually asking me why I’m single and drawing attention to it, I’m starting to feel pressure in finding the right answer. I’ve used, “I’m too busy to date,” and I’ve heard that’s a cop out. I’ve used, “I just haven’t found the right guy,” and that gets turned into I’m not trying hard enough. But even after listing those excuses and getting backlash, I still, do not feel like I should need to make up excuses. I’m just single. There is no reason, and I’m really fine with it. What I’m not fine with is other people making me feel like I need a reason.

I’m in a place in my life where I truly AM busy. I’m truly busy discovering who I am and who I want to be. And I can’t necessarily do that with someone around all the time. Do I want to be in love? Of course. But I don’t want just any guy. I want the right guy. And if that means waiting a little longer to find him, then so be it. I’m not in a rush.

So if you’re wondering why I am single… there it is. It’s pretty basic. In fact, it’s pretty 26 of me.

By Alex Devlin

6 thoughts on ““Why Am I Single?”

  1. of course your mother is going to comment on this …… Any mother will tell their children NEVER envy anyone. It’s an evil word. The moment you meet Mr. Right you will get pressure to get engaged….then pressure to be married….then pressured to buy a house, then pressured to have a baby… goes on and on and on and on. You just keep doing what you’re doing and focus on your amazing career, wonderful friends, and all the rest of your new beginnings. It all happens when it’s suppose to happen and out of anyones control but Gods. I’m thinking your husband hasn’t been born yet anyway honey because you need to conquer the world before you settle down. Oh yeah and by the way….I’m too young to be a grandmother and I don’t want to share you yet so hold your horses!!!!!!!!

  2. next time someone asks you why you’re single (or makes some asinine comment about how you aren’t ‘trying hard enough) ask them why they’re in a relationship. “so… do you have separation anxiety? unresolved insecurity issues? do you only value yourself when someone else does, based on man-made quantifiers of love such as monogamy? are you afraid of what you might find if you only have yourself to blame?” $10 bucks says they don’t ask again.

  3. Anita well said. It’s so hard giving up our children to their eventual spouses even if they have found the right ones. I’m still not enjoying “the empty nest syndrome”.
    Thea Kazianis

  4. You are amazing. And should NEVER have to explain to ANYONE why you are single. It’s a non-issue. Tell people you aren’t single – that you are in a relationship with one of if not THE most amazing person you will ever meet in this world – yourself! Fun fact….I was married and pregnant at 26 (ugh) and now at 38 I am divorced, a single mom raising an 11-yr old girl (who I wouldn’t trade for a second just FYI) who until recently struggled every day with am I doing the right thing? Maybe that was the master plan for me all along but the one thing I never spent much time doing in my 20s is exploring who I was or am. You can’t add any real value to a relationship until you know who you are, what you like, love, despise etc. At almost 40 I still don’t really know who I am but I get closer all the time.

    My point – no explanation needed. love who you are and what you do. and when it is right HE will come along. when you least expect it. and when no one is asking where HE is.

  5. Pingback: The Stages of Dating in the Digital Age, Presented by Emojis | Q L C

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