1. Theme parties: Theme parties were my JAM in college. Want to have a beach-themed party? I was the girl that drove to get sand. Interested in an “after-sex” party? Well I’ll be the first one to take off my pants. But I’ve realized that after college, no one really gets into theme parties, so I’ve graduated to perfecting holiday parties instead. You want to celebrate Easter, Christmas, or 4th of July? I’m your gal. [ed. note: Trashy ‘CEOs and hoes’ themes ARE so over. Upgrade to a classy theme with our tips on 10 Party Themes Worth Bragging About]
2. Using a trash bag as a raincoat: Sorry, but I was lazy and poor and I had to travel around campus without getting wet somehow. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still lazy and poor, only now I have morals. And a real job.
3. Leftover pizza for breakfast: This one needs no explanation. Just don’t do it.
4. Playing pranks: I refuse to stop. Have you seen my work?
5. Drinking Captain Morgan: It’s just NOT a good idea, under any circumstance. Trust me on that. Which leads me to…
6. Blacking out: Maybe now that I’m old and have no more tolerance, I should listen to my body and only have… 3 drinks when I go out (let’s be honest, I’m usually good to go after 1 ½). And I can’t skip work like I skipped class if I’m hungover, so I should really just chill out. While leads me to…
7. Posting drunk pictures on Facebook: I have a job now. A real job where I need to pretend that I am a mature adult. The pics of me taking shots at the local watering hole should be kept to myself, not plastered online for all to see. You hear me friends? Stop tagging.
By Alex Devlin