I was out to dinner with friends last week when a male friend of mine pointed out how I seem to scoff every time the subject of me dating is brought up. He asked me, “What’s your deal?” My response to this was and has been for at least six months, “I’m just not looking for that right now.” Ever since he pointed out my hesitance to getting involved with anyone in any way, I have been forced to ask myself why I have this obvious disdain for courtship.
I’ve come to the conclusion that I think it’s because I hate dates. It could be that I don’t like being vulnerable and I’m probably scared of getting hurt, too. But no, it’s mostly just because I hate dates. I’m going to try and justify this. I should start out by saying that I am in no way an expert on dating. I haven’t been on a million dates. Like I said before, I’ve actually been pretty closed off to the idea of it for the last six months of my life.
I think my main problem with them is that I find them so predictable, and therefore boring. You are going to suggest we get food. We’ll agree on something casual. You are going to open the door for me. I’ll partake in the boring small talk about my life, your life, our jobs, blah, blah, blah. You’ll ask me what kind of music I listen to, which is my least favorite question because I just like what I like, okay? Once I find out that you are a die-hard country fan, well, I’m done. I’ve checked out because this is my deal breaker. Buh-bye.
Also, everyone is on his or her best behavior on a first date. You want this person to like you, to think you’re the best. This person could potentially be your soul mate, right? On your second date they reveal their hatred for that “crazy ex-girlfriend” of theirs and then you’re all like “Shit, now I’ve got to make sure my crazy doesn’t come out.”
But we’re all kind of crazy, really. I think dates should start out with us telling our suitor the stupidest, most embarrassing thing we’ve ever done. Why? You’ve immediately revealed to them that you’re human, that you make mistakes. You’re free to be imperfect now. Being someone who is riddled with imperfections and mistakes is what makes you uniquely you. Your soul mate should embrace that immediately, dammit.
Who knows what the real reason for my not enjoying dating is. Maybe I’m bitter and still healing from a broken heart. Maybe I don’t want to feel like I need to impress someone. Maybe I’m just lazy. I am almost 26 and I’ve got people asking me left and right “So, do you have a boyfriend?” It makes me start thinking “Wait, am I supposed to?” Should I be going on dates every Saturday night, holding auditions for “the one?” Should I want to get married and have babies soon? I don’t know.
I do know that I’m learning to be content with my 25-year-old self, instead of needing someone else to make me feel complete. I think I’m actually enjoying it. And maybe, just maybe, this is exactly what I’m supposed to be doing right now.
By Kaycee Snowden