After celebrating my 26th birthday last month (you’re too late for a gift now, and no, I don’t forgive you) I realized I’m not quite as stupid as I was when I started this crazy gig called real life. After graduating college and hauling out west over four years ago, I’ve come a long way, baby! ….If I do say so myself.
Here are some life nuggets I’ve picked up along the way:
- If you wear a white shirt while eating a) at your desk or b) in public, you will spill on it. The nicer and/or pricier the white shirt is, the higher the odds.
- Everyone loves getting a good greeting card. Seriously. Bonus points if mailed. You know, with a stamp.
- Fast food is so, so cheap, and yet so, so not worth it.
- If you leave your home for an extended period of time (overnighter, vacation, etc) and leave it messy, you will hate yourself when you get back. Spend ten minutes tidying up before you run out the door.
- Chivalry is not dead, but it may be hibernating while some ‘gents’ are crawling through their early twenties.
- The popular saying “I’ll sleep when I’m dead” is not actually conducive to a healthy lifestyle.
- Grand gestures are nice, but it’s the day-to-day things that really matter.
- “Ice cream” is not really in the dairy food group, and French fries aren’t really vegetables. I mean, they are, but you get it. Not a proper substitute.
- Spending upwards of $500 on a handbag or a pair of shoes just isn’t gonna fly. Not when there are legitimate goals on the horizon … like someday-home ownership, current rent, etc.
- Friends should be measured in quality, not quantity. It’s okay not to always roll with a huge crowd.
- The phrase “dance like no one is watching” is way past cliché, but its really the only way to do it up big.
- Guilty pleasure music makes for the best late late late dance parties.
- Going to the movies by yourself: a blissful way to spend an afternoon.
- It’s legitimately totally okay to stay in on a Friday night … and again on Saturday if you feel like it.
- It’s not what you know; it’s who you know.
- Don’t forget to buy toilet paper until it’s too late; always have backup rolls. The same goes for paper towels, but I won’t demand it as strongly.
- Drunch (drunk brunch) can solve nearly any problem thrown your way, at least for a hazy afternoon with friends.
- DIY projects that require more than $50 in supplies often end up not quite worth the effort.
- Drinking coffee all day without eating is a guaranteed way to make you feel shitty (…no pun intended.)
- You are not what you own, where you work, what you drive, or where you live.
- White wine helps remove red wine stains.
- Nine times outta ten, they’re your ex for a good reason. Keep them in that category.
- Its nice, and an easy way to fake being a classy host, to always keep some beer and something non-alcoholic in the fridge for guests. Well, try!
- Jeans can be worn weeks without being washed. Bedsheets should not go without washing more than one week.
- If you’re still feeling exhausted from the weekend on Monday night, you partied too hard.
And lastly, the most important thing I’ve learned:
26. Not everyone is going to like you. And that’s fine.
By Liza Nedelman
[Main page photo credit thereheis.com / Interior photo credit: Vivaboo ]